The Scale Lies

Our scale was a piece of shit. Really. It was. Even if I could see past the grit and grime, the rusts as something else. It was a relic from the stone ages. It was dialogue.

Apart from not wanting to lay claim to the unseemly amount of weight I've put on during the last five years or so, I did not want to put my feet on that thing. The inhabitants of this house (me, my husband, Denzie the dog, and my husband's parents) had made a grave mistake in placing it next to the toilet. I live with two men. Not one, but TWO. And as any woman living with a man know, any bathroom a man uses is going to eventually be a mess. Placing the scale next to the toilet was wrong, so very wrong.

A couple weeks ago, the hubby and I found out that our old, rusty, caked-with-shit-I-don't-even-want-to-know-about scale was not just ugly but a liar of the highest order! Now, sure...what did we expect from an dirty old analog scale that had been stepped on thousands of time? We expected loyalty, dammit! Honestly, I thought we had a relationship that would last. I mean, it hadn't disintegrated into a crumbly pile of nothingness. It meant we were to stay together forever.

Anyway, there was a doctor's appointment for a physical and the fancy-schmancy dialogue scale they have there showed us the truth. Actually, it just showed us our actual weight. And since I practically lived on the scale, I knew the measurement was way different from what my filthy home scale had measured. I was quite perturbed.

When I say I was perturbed, I mean I was PISSED. All this time I had been weighing myself, and recording any changes, unknowing that the scale was snickering behind my back. So today, we went to our local Target and picked a brand-spanking-new DIGITAL scale. I must admit, at first I was skeptical. I don't like change, but disliked that old hunk of junk even more. But standing on a thin piece of glass (tempered as it may be)? Oh no.

(My husband even let me "do the honors" by stepping on the scale. Charming.)

But after that first step, I was a changed woman. Turns out I'm closer to my first goal weight then. I thought, thanks to that old scale.

And no, I'm not going to tell you how much I weigh.

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